HOW TO LEAVE A JOB GRACIOUSLY

Watching the Camerons leaving Downing Street was a reminder that no job is forever. And from his resignation speech onwards, Cameron has also reminded us that there’s a lot to be said for leaving a job with dignity. In fact, leaving gracefully and behaving well on your way out can enhance your career prospects and bring opportunities your way in the future. So, how do you do it?

Don’t drop hints

We all know workplaces are rife with gossip and that mysterious half-day holidays are probably because you’re meeting head hunters. But you don’t want to be hinting that you’re on your way out and talking about the interviews you’ve had with colleagues. There are two reasons for this. First, it makes you appear uncommitted to your current job and, second, if nothing comes of your job hunting, you can look like a Walter Mitty type. So keep quiet about your plans until you’ve signed on the dotted line for your new position.

Decide why you’ve resigned

You shouldn’t lie about why you’re leaving. But take a few minutes to think about the best and most diplomatic spin you can put on it. “I feel I need to gain experience elsewhere” is much better than “You offer no career progression at all.” When you do announce you’re leaving, give the same reason to everyone as having people walking around saying, “Well, I heard the real reason he left was...” can leave a nasty taste.

Write a letter

Stick to the basics. You want to tell your boss you are leaving for new challenges and that you’ve enjoyed working at the company. You might also mention your notice period and say that you will do everything you can to help a smooth transition. That’s it. The letter should be formal and typed.

Tell your boss first

We all tend to avoid difficult conversions, but this is one you need to tackle head on and quickly. Deliver the letter in person, ideally when your boss has a quiet moment. Do not discuss your resignation with colleagues first as it's insulting for your boss to hear that you’re leaving from anyone other than you.

Be nice to your boss

There’s a lot to be said for enlightened self-interest. Thanking your boss politely for being a great manager could mean a) they are less likely to hold you to that six-month notice period b) they will give you a good reference, either formally or informally. And c) they will be a good node in your network for the future. Remember too that your boss’s feelings may be bruised: by quitting you are effectively firing him or her.

Be prepared for anything

Hopefully your boss will take it well. However, they may counter-offer, start to negotiate, turn nasty or even ask you to leave the building immediately. If things to do turn unpleasant, try and de-personalise and de-escalate the situation. If you are told to leave the building, do so and contact them when they’ve had a chance to calm down. In the very worst situations, stay calm and remember you can always make your leaving arrangements through HR.

Ask your boss who you can tell

Assuming all goes well, ask your boss if you can make your decision public – as they may wish to keep your resignation under wraps for a while. If they do want to keep it quiet, you might ask them if you can tell a few other important people such as your mentor. However, if your boss is happy for you to make it public, tell your team quickly as rumours spread fast. Be grateful and positive and say how much you’ve enjoyed working with them.

Resist counter-offers

Counter-offers from a boss who wants you to stay are always worth listening to but rarely worth accepting. They’re often made because your manager is panicking or desperate, and besides, once you’ve made the decision to leave, mentally you’ve already left. Staying for more money rarely works out and often just means a second, messier resignation six months later. The exception to this rule is a counter-offer that’s so good they it is effectively a great new job. So a 40 per cent pay hike and a move to Singapore might be worth considering.

Be prepared to bargain

There’s always horse-trading to be done, particularly around your leaving date. So come up with a list of bargaining chips you can bring to the table. For instance, if your boss wants you to work your full notice period, you might counter, “But I have five weeks untaken holiday” or “If I guarantee to deliver these projects, can I go two weeks early?”

Don’t leave a mess

You do not want to remembered as the guy who left three projects unfinished and problems which are still being discovered six months later. So tie up any loose ends and complete any admin jobs. If possible, hand over smoothly to your successor smoothly and help them settle in. Doing this will mean that you’re remembered well – and who knows where your colleagues will be in five years.

Have drinks

Everyone likes a party. So, on your final Friday, take your team, your boss and anyone else you’ve worked with down to the pub. The last thing you do should be to have a great leaving do.

BEAR GRYLLS ON WHY YOU ALWAYS NEED A FRESH CHALLENGE

When I was a young man, my grandfather gave me some good advice. It's hard enough in life, he said, to get where you want to be even when you're crystal clear where that place is. It's near impossible to get there if you don't know where you're going.

He was so right. Humans are like sailing ships. If you take the rudder off a sailing ship, it doesn't perform well. The sails flap about, the ship can't build up any speed and it goes nowhere. But if you put a rudder on it and turn it towards the breeze, things are very different. The sails fill up. Everything goes taut. There might be a bit of strain, but suddenly there's also direction and speed.

We're the same, and challenges are our rudder. Without a challenge, we're at the mercy of other forces. We get saggy and drift around, and often we even get blown backwards. Wherever we end up, it's rarely anywhere meaningful.

As humans, we perform best when we have a focus. I see it all the time in the wild. The storms, the struggles and the steep mountains always bring out the best in people. Yes, there might be some pain and blisters and hurting, but like the struggle, they develop us. And, as is so often the case, what's true in the wild is true in many other arenas.

These challenges don't have to be world changing. You only have to look at my show The Island With Bear Grylls to see that. It is so tempting for the contestants to simply lie there exhausted and do nothing, especially when they're tired, starving and dehydrated. When you're dealing with life or death, however, the only way to survive is to set yourself goals, no matter how small. It might just be building a roof for the shelter or collecting firewood. But by managing these bite-sized challenges, you eventually arrive somewhere meaningful and that's how you move from surviving to thriving.

I've written before in this column about regarding failure as a stepping stone to success. It's worth repeating in this context because accepting life as a challenge means accepting the possibility of failure. But remember: the only time we really fail is when we stop trying. We need to embrace failure and keep out of our comfort zone - or comfort pit, as I prefer to call it. The ride will be bumpy - if it's not, your challenge isn't significant enough - but the best shock absorber on a bumpy road is a good sense of humour and a bloody-minded resolve to keep going.

We run a series of adventure races and it's amazing to see how people love to get out at the weekend and do something physical, muddy and challenging - me included. It pushes us, shocks us, scares us but ultimately leaves us empowered, proud, laughing and tired. To me, it's proof positive that people like to have obstacles to conquer - but not just physical challenges. These principles cover so much of life. In your relationships, in your work, in your studies, in all these arenas: aim high, accept that it's not going to be easy, relish the struggle and go for it. Blaze a trail towards those obstacles, and remember: if you've set yourself a real challenge, and you're doing it right, there should only be one path, and that's the one behind you.

WHY SAM ALLARDYCE WILL MAKE A FANTASTIC ENGLAND MANAGER

Sam Allardyce has just been confirmed as the new England manager. Think about that for a minute: Big Sam. England manager. Our immediate reaction? Probably the same as yours: lots of swearing. But once we had stopped shaking our heads, we slowly came to realise that Big Sam may be just what England need.
There is a theory with England that our expectations have always exceeded our talent. For the most part, this is true. We just can't help ourselves. However, the notion our current England team is "not good enough" is ridiculous. We may not have the world’s finest footballers, but our squad is still full of Premier League winners and Champions League contenders. Not part-time plumbers. If the right man is in charge, there is no reason why we shouldn’t challenge at major tournaments. After all, the best teams don’t always win, do they?
Take Portugal at Euro 2016: a well-managed, well-organised team with one superstar player. But even with Ronaldo, Portugal failed to win a game in 90 minutes until the semi-final – proof, surely, they are nothing special. In fact, you could argue that player-for-player Portugal are not that much better than England. And yet they lifted the trophy while we returned home shame-faced like scolded children.
So why do we always fail to deliver? Obviously, the players are in part responsible but, in the end, the blame lies with the boss. It has to. As England manager, you must be able to get the best out of the team. Otherwise, why are you there? The best players in the country don’t need coaching; they just need guiding into their roles and responsibilities. Tell them what you expect, teach them your system, and then encourage them to perform. That’s it. That is your job.
Not since Terry Venables have England had a manager able to bring out the best in the national side. And it’s no coincidence that England have not reached a semi-final since Euro '96 when Venables was in charge. If we have learned one thing from Euro 2016, it is this: if you can get the players to believe in what you are trying to achieve then anything is possible. AskWales boss Chris Coleman or the dynamic duo in charge of Iceland.
England need to go back to basics with the next manager. No bells. No whistles. Just good old-fashioned management skills. We need someone to get in the ear of players, to rattle them when required. Someone with a firm but fair hand, who will galvanise the squad and, at the same time, inspire them as individuals. In short: a proper football manager.
Step forward Big Sam.
A man who has proved time and time again he can get players to perform. A man who has built a career on the strength of this priceless talent. The Sam Allardyce CV is littered with examples of him making the best out of a bad situation. That is what he does. He has never spent huge money on transfers and yet he has always, given the chance, taken teams forward.

THERESA MAY'S CABINET WILL HELP US MOVE ON FROM BREXIT

Theresa May has taken little time to assert her authority over British politics, implementing sweeping changes to the Conservative Party’s top team. Some genuine surprises have emerged, as we begin to see Mrs May’s approach to leadership. Her first cabinet shows her to be decisive, unafraid of major change, and determined to unify the Conservative Party at the very top of UK politics. Here are some of the big changes:

The chancellor

George Osborne, the architect of David Cameron’s reforms and a key strategist behind the Conservatives’ return to government is out of the Treasury. After years of implementing austerity and making the case for Remain, George Osborne is perhaps too closely linked to the past, and too divisive for a unifying Conservative leadership. Stepping into his department is the former foreign Secretary Philip Hammond, one of the safest pairs of hands in government, and a man who eschews the spotlight. There will be no emergency budget, not dramatic change of course. This is Theresa May putting one of the Conservative Party’s strongest political operators out to pasture with his old boss, but after the EU referendum George Osborne may appreciate a holiday.

Foreign secretary

Cripes! Boris Johnson, former GQ motoring correspondent and notorious champion of the Brexit campaign has been installed in the Foreign & Commonwealth Office. The only man in the cabinet who has had to apologise to the people of Papua New Guinea, aside from his gaffes Boris Johnson showed ambassadorial flair as London Mayor during the 2012 Olympics. However good his proficiency in French and German, this move isn’t about Boris Johnson the charming diplomat: Boris in the FCO means one thing, Theresa May’s confidence in healing the Conservative Party from the top down. The Foreign Office is one of the great prizes in UK politics, and it has been gifted to the standard bearer of the eurosceptic movement. This will mollify those who preferred Andrea Leadsom’s bid for Downing Street. More than that, it places Boris Johnson in a pivotal role in Britain’s post-Brexit future. Foreign Secretaries have a habit of "going native" in their departments, as the urbane sophisticates of the Foreign Office mould them to the department’s worldview. Boris has always held his opinions lightly, and this move may tame him, and in so doing tame his acolytes and soften the Brexiters up for an acceptable compromise on our relationship with the EU.

Gove out

Knifer Gove is on his uppers, having failed to kill the king. Few would have predicted that Michael Gove would come off so badly from Brexit victory. Just yesterday it seemed likely that Mrs May might consider it safer to keep Michael Gove inside the tent where she can keep both eyes on him, but he has been relegated to the back benches. Theresa May’s calculation is surely that having promoted Boris Johnson to such a senior post, there is no need to provide any further sop to the Brexiters. The prospect of Sarah Vine implementing Brexit has been avoided, and any idea of Michael Gove as the Frank Underwood of British politics has been abandoned.

Jobs for Brexiters

Gove’s departure doesn’t mean that Theresa May isn’t committed to unity across the cabinet. She’s created two new jobs for prominent Brexiters. This is the Conservative Party’s opportunity to heal on the issue that most divides it, and Theresa May is grabbing the chance with both hands. Gone from his job overseeing Brexit for about five minutes is Oliver Letwin, and in his stead are two key new jobs for securing Britain’s economic and diplomatic future. The Secretary of State for International Trade is prominent Brexiter and failed leadership candidate Liam Fox who quickly came out in support of Theresa May, and the shiny, brand new post of Secretary of State for Exiting the EU is being filled by David Davis who challenged David Cameron for the leadership and had a messy relationship with Cameron throughout his time in office.

The small clique who ran government in David Cameron’s time have gone. We haven’t seen the end of the Etonians thanks to Boris Johnson, but Justine Greening becomes the first Education Secretary in our history to be educated at a comprehensive school rather than privately. These are big changes, seismic in terms of the Conservative Party’s recent history. David Davis and Liam Fox were often outspoken opponents of Cameron, and Boris Johnson became his political assassin. The return to grace of these figures shows May’s determination to bring the Conservatives back together, and to finally move both her colleagues and the country on from arguing over the European Union.

KELLY ROHRBACH SIZZLES IN BARELY-THERE BIKINI

Kelly Rohrbach on breaking into Hollywood

“I googled ‘top ten talent agencies. I just picked one, went there and got signed. I was like ‘Hey, I’d like an agent, would you like to be my agent? ‘ And they were like, ‘That’s not really how this works…but uh, sure.’"

Kelly Rohrbach on playing CJ in Baywatch

“I love unlikeable characters. I find them fascinating. The world is uncomfortable with a really-ugly-on-the-inside woman. So uncomfortable. I that that’s funny.”

Kelly Rohrbach on handling the press on set

“I was like ‘God, I just wanna eat a bag of Doritos but there’s paparazzi everywhere, f*** it! It stunk because there was no privacy.

"My suit was that neoprene scuba gear material so it really rides up. They would use glue and tape it to my bum so it wouldn’t make a wedgie wrinkly. Everyday the paparazzi would shoot the costume designers doing the glue and there would be a picture of somebody with a brush, putting Elmer’s glue on my bum. I’m like, Guys I don’t think this is gonna get a lot of clicks. I am not famous."

INTERVIEW WITH MODEL MELISSA CUC

Model Melissa Cuc may be from a small town in the Black Forest, but the sandy blond stunner has left her mark on nearly every corner of the globe—North Pole not included. And whether she's chilling out on a Manhattan rooftop, strolling the high fashion streets of Milan, partying at Coachella, or soaking up the sun's warmth on some faraway beach, Cuc brings her adventurous spirit and easy-going smile to every situation. Her Insta-feed is packed with sunny beaches, relaxing "summer in the city" scapes, and a ton of bikinis—just the thing you want to see during some afternoon social media escapism. We caught up with her in New York for a quick chat, you can catch up with her wherever you are by simply pressing follow.

Where are you right now? I'm at a casting right now for Marie Claire.

Where did you grow up? I grew up in south of Germany in a little town near Stuttgart. It's in the Black Forest. It's very cute and picturesque.

If you weren’t a model, what career would you pursue? As I'm from a doctor's family and my parents, my brother and even his wife are all in medicine. So, I'd probably go that way as well. I'm interested in dermatology and would go in the direction of cosmetics.

What is your mantra? (If you don't have one, make one up. We'll wait.) My Mantra is: I carry the sun in my heart. It means that you make yourself super happy with that and not only that but you spread the light you have inside of you also to the outside and share it with the world.

Where have you never been but want to go? I've never been in the jungle of Papua New Guinea. I'm a wild spirit. My sign is an aries so i love adventure and new things. The jungle would be something super inspiring for me to see. Another place I'd like to see is the North Pole which is another extreme but such an adventure as well and I actually hate the cold but I would love to see the sky colors of the North Pole when it shows its beauty at night. That must be fascinating.

Do you read the comments? Sometimes I read the comments sometimes not. It depends if its something negative I stop because I don't need negative energy around me. Most of the people are super sweet though.

What is the craziest thing you’ve done on a shoot? The craziest thing I've done on a shoot was being the whole day in ice cold water in the middle of the winter in Australia (it can get really cold there). We were shooting a fitness commercial at the Bondi Iceberg Club and they had to heat me up in a steam room every few minutes. It was also the most beautiful experience as well as we shot very early in the morning and the pool nearly connects with the ocean and suddenly we saw dolphins jumping out the waves super close to us.

How do you spend your time off? When I have time off I looove to sleep for a very long time. And then I usually work out with my best friend (because I don't like working out alone). I cant wait to see my family and friends when I have free time. I would pack them all in a car and go to the beach or do a bbq in the park and enjoy the time together. I love being outside with them!

What is your most prized possession? My most prized possession is definitely my family. I'm super close to every single one of them we have a great connection. My dad, mom and brother are like my best friends to me.

SHE WAS NEVER TAUGHT “I CAN’T” AND APPLIED THAT TO BECOMING A MOTHER

The first “four letter word” that I remember being taught not to use was “CAN’T.” The options were to ask for help or to learn how to accomplish whatever it was that caused me to use that four letter word. Parents and grandparents encouraged me to be confident and independent. Just like the little engine that could, I could accomplish anything I set my mind to. That four letter word was not needed in my vocabulary.

From a very early age, my mom entered me in pageants like a traditional southern belle. She and the women in my family taught me that beauty is not judged by outward appearance but reflects inner character. Respect for others and being true to myself were of utmost importance to project beauty. As I grew older, pageants dwindled and sports took over. Through the support of my family, I was allowed to pursue any sport that piqued my interest: softball, soccer, basketball, and volleyball consumed every night of the week and most weekends of my youth through college. No matter the competition, the same projection of inner character applied. My primary opponent was myself and the internal standards I set to achieve my maximum capabilities. To me, beauty was projected through presenting my best inner self and proving my abilities through constant improvement.

My family’s encouragement to pursue life’s possibilities and explore adventures fostered a since of confident independence and determination that I treasure as a part of my character. This confident independence also yields stubborn ignorance. In February 2008, I was presented with a proposition to share future adventures and discover new possibilities with someone who pushed me to dream bigger and achieve more. My stubborn ignorance feared this challenge to my independence, but Jeremy inspired me to redefine my own expectations and continue exploring life’s adventures together with him. He reshaped my perspective of beauty because of what he saw in me and for our future together.

Fast forward 5 years and many adventures later we ask, “Is there a “right time” to start a family?” We approached this idea with a nonchalant, “If it happens, it happens,” mindset and no pressure to make it happen. The thought of pregnancy always seemed a bit unnatural to me. I perceived it as an awkward state of existence with medically imposed limits, mental and emotional vulnerability, and lack of control that renders its subjects fragile and dependent hosts to delicate mini-humans. I never imagined not having kids – I just couldn’t picture myself as being pregnant. Limiting my activities seemed detrimental to my core being because those are times I feel most confident and beautiful.

Throughout the first trimester and early second trimester I snowboarded, played volleyball and softball, and continued yoga with minimal modifications. I was in a bit of denial and refused to tell anyone other than close family and friends I was pregnant out of fear that I would be perceived differently. Slowly, I began to notice subtle differences in my reflection and how my body moved. My family and friends continued to encourage me without treating me differently. Jeremy was a motivator to push me when I needed it and a mediator to calm my inner fear of inactivity when I needed to rest. Little flutters, pokes, and jabs in my belly increased my awareness of the life that was forming in me and I began to accept limitations.

I’ve always considered that the only limits on life’s journey are self-imposed. Out of discernment, that haunting four letter word “CAN’T” has been minimally introduced throughout the past 36 weeks. These new challenges inspire a sense of curiosity and discovery. However, when my personal control is limited, internal grace is required that I fear is outside my capability. Physical strength, mental determination, and emotional confidence are the source of the beauty that I possess. Patience and situational flexibility require a level of mental and emotional control that I have not achieved. My goal is to embrace this challenge with a new perspective on beauty.

I accept and now appreciate that pregnancy has changed me – physically, mentally, and emotionally – for the better. This body has sustained and nurtured a new life. This mind has grasped a new understanding. This heart has established a connection with a new life that will last forever. The traits of beauty that I so ruggedly attempted to define greatly exceed the limits of my understanding. True beauty extends beyond our bodies and our minds; it is more than our character traits and does not need our pride for it cannot be owned or achieved. It is ever present and reflected in all creation to be admired and shared. -Danielle Smith

NOT LETTING ULCERATIVE COLITIS PREVENT BIRTH AND BREAST-FEEDING

They often say to me that my body is a perfect miniature. No, if I could, I would change it instantly.

Six years ago, they diagnosed me a chronic intestinal disease, the Ulcerative Colitis, a serious illness that debilitates physically and mentally, that makes me have an half disability and that compelled me to take various medicines when it is active. I still remember the gastroenterologist told me: “Of all the diseases you have the most annoying, unfortunately there is still no cure and you will live with it for the rest of your life!” That day the world fell apart and a part of me stopped living. I was sick, I hated my body with all my heart, I continued to lose weight, I could eat almost anything, I looked in the mirror and I saw horrible. I could not find any size of clothing that could fit and I felt pain in every part of my body. I was often in hospital for several medical examinations and I followed various debilitating treatments with poor results. In consequence, I left the university because unable to attend lectures and I spent a long period of depression changing so many times my ambitions. My mother was always more worried for me and the situation was not easy to handle even for my partner. My friends and people in general did not understand how difficult living with this illness is, living with cramps, medicines, the shame of running to the toilet many and many times, it’s terrible! I was lost and I really felt alone, ugly and sick. It was the worst period of my life.

On February 11 of 2014, I gave birth to my son Samuele. After a rather traumatic childbirth, I stayed in the hospital for about ten days. The stitches did not leave me be and I was not able to take care of my baby boy. The milk did not arrive immediately and Samuele lost weight. The addition of milk formula was the only apparent solution, but I wanted to breastfeed at all costs also because I stopped taking the immunosuppressive a month before the birth. I felt helpless, frustrated and unsupported. Then finally came the lactation onset, but my baby still had the incorrect latch-on. I began to suffer from sore nipples, my nipples were literally lacerated and Samuele sucked more blood than milk. To make matters worse my illness came back to torture me. At that time, I was still living with my parents because we have some problems to enter in the new house. The unconsciousness if I could breastfeed while taking a medication or not, the pain of sore nipples, my Ulcerative Colitis, the tiredness, the fact of not having the father of my son with me every time took me in a state of “postpartum depression”. I was desperate and hopeless.

Therefore, after just two weeks after giving birth, I gave up and I decided to stop breastfeeding starting with the bottle formula, but Samuele regurgitated and vomited continuously and he desperately cried for colics and the missing of his “titta”. One day, guilty and desperate, I squeezed my left nipple and I saw that there was a small drop of milk. How was it possible? My nipples dried out forming scabs and I lost all the old skin: it had been a month since I unwillingly bandaged my breasts. With tears of joy, I began then to inquire about re-lactation. Was it possible? Thanks God a friend of mine contacted me advising to turn to a lactation consultant and so I did. I had never done pre-natal courses and did not know anything about anything. My beautiful mama had not been lucky enough to breastfed me so she did not know what to advise me. I decided to take a winding road and uphill.

Once I called the poison center and confirmed compatibility drug-lactation, I started using the breastpump and to breastfeed Samuele at least a dozen times a day, trying to reduce more and more the addition of infant formula. Following my determination and willpower, I managed to remove the last bottle formula at 8 months of my little man. With weaning, everything was simpler, until today, a year and a half of milk and love

Many people when they see me breastfeeding they look at me with disapproval and repulsion. “Are you still breastfeeding? He is bigger than you! ” “You still have milk? How lucky!” I reply with a smile: “Of course, yes! If I had not followed my heart and my willpower I would still drowned by guilt and by the perception of my sick body!”

Thanks to my son, I was born for the second time and my body too. I learned to live with my ulcerated gut, to respect the moments of relapse, to get up stronger than before, to get better for my son and myself. He made me a stronger woman and a brave mother and gave me the chance to express myself through my work as a professional photographer. This June I set the first of many stages of my photographic exhibition “Sotto la Stessa Pelle” (“Under the Same Skin”) with breastfeeding’s theme precisely.

Nobody says it is easy, breastfeeding is exhausting, debilitating, takes energy and makes nervous, but at the same time creates a very strong bond visceral and instinctive. When I feel tired and about to give up, I remember the effort I made to re-breastfeed and this gives me new strength and energy to face the day. Breastfeeding is the sweeter experience a mother can feel after giving birth to her child. It is complicity, magic, perfume, intimacy, gaze, happiness. It is feeling two hearts beating “under the same skin”! Thank you.

MY BODY WAS MADE TO GIVE BIRTH: IRENE’S STORY

I still remember when I saw for the first time the positive test. I kept reading the sentence on the box test “if the second line appears, even slightly, it is a positive test.’ and that January 8, 2008 the second line was just barely visible. I did not know what it meant to be pregnant. I did not think that was going to me, bride to be only three months. I was so incredulous and I began to ask myself a thousand and more than a thousand questions! “Is this really happening to me? Will I be a good mother? I can raise them and educate them in the best way? Until yesterday I was only a child and now instead I begin to be a mother”. I did not believe. I could not believe, only in the morning I knew it when, turning off the alarm clock, my gaze met that first pair of shoes that I gave to my husband to announce the good news. I think that disbelief in this news has remained a constant until the end and even beyond, but during my 40+5 weeks, the evident changes in my body spoke for itself. My belly became huge with stretch marks, my legs were like two formless trunks and the balance went up to 25kg. I was an hot-air balloon! By the way, I’ve never been particularly thin and even today, after giving birth to my third son, those kilogrammes are still with me to keep me company, to remind me that my body was made to give birth to my three wonderful masterpieces, which love to fall asleep laying on my belly, to smell of my skin.
I cannot say to be proud of my body. Going and do shopping has become frustrating, a torture, but I’m proud of what my body has produced, how it has changed over my three pregnancies adapting to the needs of Leonardo before, then Alberto and now the little Giacomo.
My belly will remain inevitably fluffy and marked for the rest of my life, my body will remain modified forever, but I do not care! I just look at my children and there is no best picture! When they look at me, they see their mum, the most important woman in their life, willing to alienate and bend over backwards for their happiness, to allow a peaceful and happy childhood. Seeing them growing with a smile is the best post-partum diet! – Irene

I DID NOT WANT TO GIVE BIRTH: ERIKA’S STORY

I always thought of motherhood as a passage, necessary and required, to have babies in our arms. I never imagined to feel the intense joy, I would say physical, by seeing the famous second pink line on the pregnancy test and, above all, feeling the first, almost imperceptible movement of Ginevra inside my belly. Here, if my life had meaning, was that of bringing another life into me! I was sure I was born for that! I am not saying to give birth; I am exactly saying bringing another life inside of me. My attention and my energies were all concentrated on the trip, her growth on ultrasounds and especially on his many, many kicks, to the point of not waiting to come back home in the evening and lie down on the bed to look and feel my belly moving. I was wondering how it would be after the childbirth: would have been difficult dressing her? Would have been difficult making her a bath? Would have been difficult not sleeping at night? Breastfeeding? Two notions to childbirth course and nothing more. Maybe I thought everything would happen by magic.
The spell has been broken two days before the 34 weeks: a rise of pressure (a problem I suffered before pregnancy), a recovery to a hospital that was not what I chosen for the childbirth and the bitter discovery that Ginevra had stopped growing. My belly was not that magical place that I imagined. “It seems you’re not feeling good being inside of me” I wrote in one of the thousand little paper thoughts that I dedicated to her during my pregnancy. “I’m sorry, because I’m fine having you inside me.
I would have removed the following weeks: a continuous inside and outside the hospital, going to the gynaecological A&E, cardiotocography every day and doctors who kept telling me that it was time to give her birth. Then my tears, my infinite sadness that my wonderful journey was ending. I felt cheated: nature has promised me 40 weeks and someone wanted to erase even four. People did not understand when I used to “I still want her kicks inside of me.
The day of the birth, then, was the worst: another upward pressure despite massive doses of medicines, an induction that I lived as a violence and to top it off an emergency C-section. The worst feeling was the sense of alienation that I tried that one moment that I saw Ginevra before they took her to the day care. Where was the baby who had grown inside of me and of which I knew every kick? Maybe it was the anaesthesia, or the hormonal collapse, but I did not recognize her and, above all, I was not happy, as I had imagined I would be! The next fifteen days were the worst of my life: I was crying and I wanted back the pregnant belly. I wanted back that furious joy. I found instead myself with a scar on the belly and a tiny little baby who did not even know if I was able to breastfeed.
My husband says it looks like a sad story, but it is not. Because between those fifteen days and today there are ten months in which Geneva and I we became mother and daughter. We learnt to know each other not the way I imagined idealized before, but in a real way full of mistakes, great fears, but also infinite joys. Ten months in which breastfeeding has allowed us to recreate that naturalness of the so medicalized conclusion of the pregnancy that has deprived to our being “you and I”.

I ALMOST DIED AFTER CHILDBIRTH: BECKY’S STORY

I nearly died after child birth. March 2010, a nurse held her hands on my abdomen for 30 minutes while we waited for the Doctor to take me back into surgery. I don’t think the clock has ever moved more slowly for me.

I was getting cleaned up to go hold my son in the NICU for first time! I was so excited. Weak but excited to finally have that bonding moment with my son that many of my mom friends had told me about. During pregnancy we envision what our delivery day is going to look like, knowing that we are not In control but hoping for the best. Let me tell you, bleeding internally, back to back surgeries, and a blood transfusion never entered my mind.

As you can see I did survive! God gave me a second chance at life. I faced some struggles. I couldn’t wash myself for the first 2 weeks home, my husband had to wipe my backside, and I was only allowed to use the stairs once a day. My world looked nothing like the picture perfect scenarios we see in popular baby product commercials. I was a hot mess! I couldn’t care for myself let alone my husband and new born. At my first postnatal appointment my doctor suggested that I may have postpartum depression! What? I’m not depressed. I am an just inadequate mother because due to the stress my body went through I am unable to produce milk and my commercialized standards of motherhood have been shattered! In no way does that make me depressed! How dare he suggest such a thing! Well doc was right! It took me until my sons first birthday to accept that I was struggling with depression.

Over that year I also began binge eating. I felt so poorly about my body that I began to fuel it poorly. I was so focused on everything that my body couldn’t do. It couldn’t give birth vaginally. It couldn’t properly feed my infant son. And it certainly wasn’t shedding those baby pounds that everyone claimed I would while breast feeding. Could I be a bigger failure? How much more of a disgrace to women could I be? The negative thoughts and self talk got worse. And the worse I spoke to myself the more I ate. I started this circle of self destruction.

I’m sharing my story today to empathize with women who are depressed and who struggle with binge eating. I am still healing. I have learned to love my body for all that is IS capable of. I began exercising and eating properly! I started to recognize the negative self talk and quickly turn it around to something positive. I found my passion as a Fitness and Motivation Coach to help others who are ready to take control of their health and well being. I’ve learned that being a good mother and women is about how I treat and care for others and less about my own personal pity parties. I am currently training to compete in my first powerlifting competition! Can you believe it? Some days I hardly can. The same body that I decided was frail and weak just years earlier is lifting and doing squats with weights that are heavier than I am. It’s time to stop believing the lies that we, society, and others tell us and recognize the full strength and power that we truly possess.

STRUGGLING TO LOVE MY HIPS & REALIZING HAPPINESS: ALYSON

Twenty seven year old Alyson scheduled her session with me before massive change blew into her life.  She was not a mother, she wrote in an email, but enjoyed my photography and wanted to celebrate her body that she has been loving more and more as she grew wiser, older.

Alyson and her partner of 5 years were no longer together, she had lost her job, and yet amazingly she still kept her appointment with me.  Her wisdom told her to celebrate herself, especially at this time.  “I would love classy nudes, but not boudoir sexy,” she said.  I became giddy as she showed me samples of work she really liked, because I liked it too.  Then we got to work shooting.

I asked Alyson which part of her body she wholeheartedly struggles to love and one of her happiest moments in her life and she wrote:

“I struggle to whole heartedly love my hips and thighs. I constantly find myself wishing they were less round, a little longer, a little less ripply, etc. In a culture that worships the ‘thigh gap’ and where the largest size pants in many stores stop short at my knees – my body often feels lost in the shuffle.

The happiest times of my life thus far have been defined by times when I have been very in love; be it with another person, or a passion, or something within myself.

Thinking about happiness initially, my thoughts flooded to my five year relationship that has just ended. I felt that loving him encompassed all of the happiest times of my life, and potentially the only time that had really mattered. How quickly I had forgotten all of the other beautiful things this life had brought to me over the years that I had fallen fall head over heels in love with.

Dance, music, friendship, bravery, and family – the happiness in my life has been determined by the times that I have given myself over to the feeling these most meaningful things bring to me. “

BREASTFEEDING WAS REALLY SO HARD, LIKE A CLIMB TO EVEREST: SARA’S STORY

From Italy: I am Sara, but since four years, I am especially a mom. I said especially, do you know why? Because I devoted my body, soul and heart to my daughter Nicole, at times forgetting to be just Sara. It all began on March 6th, 2011 with a sweet home birth. I was with my partner Diego, the silence of the night, the candles, the singing of my grief, his strong arms that accompanied my body. How a beautiful settting of childbirth!

When I held Nicole in my arms for the first time, I felt that a special soul has arrived and has chosen us! Yes, she chose us because she is suffering from Down’s syndrome. Every time I think we did not know that, I am heartened because if we had known earlier we could never have given birth at home and follow a path full of love for her.

Breastfeeding was really so hard, like a climb to Everest. Once you get on top you can see the world from another perspective, you can discover and see things that you thought could not possible… Nicole was hypotonic and she struggled to suck. I had to wake her up every four hours to feed her. The milk didn’t arrive because I wasn’t enough stimulated and I used to take advantage while she was sleeping for pumping the milk. I remember I lost hours and hours of sleep. I spent six months not sleeping: two hours a day. I had an inexhaustible strength and power that came from inside but I felt frustrated, I felt like I was nothing, unable to feed my baby. I was lucky because our midwife Lisa helped us in these difficult moments with a thousand ideas, proposals and so much confidence. Our puerperium lasted three months, Lisa was always with us and I thank her for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, the milk didn’t come out not even with the breast pump. My nipples were so huge that stoppered the pump’s funnel and the milk could not be extracted. Therefore, I learnt to squeeze my nipples although it was difficult because of my ample bosom. Before having Nicole my nipples were tiny, now they became as real pacifiers adapting to the physiological needs of Nicole. The weeks went by and I was thinking only about how to feed that little bundle, full of hair, with black eyes that seemed to come from another planet.

One day our midwife Lisa proposed us to ways: the DAS (device for additional breastfeeding) or another mother breast milk. It was difficult to accept both proposals but I wanted to and I felt that even my little baby needed to latch to my breast, a skin contact, to smell her mom. The use of the additional breastfeeding device was a nightmare for me, even if it saved the lactation. I hated him and I loved him at the same time. It is a sort of bottle containing milk that can be put like a necklace. From the bottle come out some cannula that have to be fixed near the nipple with tape. In this way, the baby stimulate the breastfeeding by sucking while feeding with milk bottle. I tried so many times to insert my nipples and the cannula in the right way, but it was so difficult. Sometimes when I did on the first try, made me go “Yippee!” Slowly our breastfeeding was beginning. We were at the Everest base camp 2! At that time, I felt split in two. I had the strength of ten women because I had the goal of breastfeeding but, at the same time, I felt helpless because I had a child who had a syndrome of which I didn’t know anything and I felt scared. It all broke down when I decided to use another mother’s breast milk. Her milk, her emotions, her life, her taste. It wasn’t me, it was another. I felt like I robbed of my role as a mother, but at the same time my daughter had to eat to live and giving the formula was a huge defeat for me. Therefore, I poured the milk in the DAS.

I still remember the “glu glu” of my baby and hearing that my tears flowed like a waterfall. I didn’t know if I was doing the right, but I did it. I watched her latched to my breast and the cannula. Her lips moved and she decided to move also her little hand stroking my breasts: Nicole wanted to give me a gift. That was the moment when I discovered I almost arrived at the top. Often when I could sleep I preferred watching her, caressing her, talk to her… I told her words of love, I told her that she was a warrior, I told her mother made a promise and she would have kept it! Our love was inside a floating bubble but we became as one even though we hardly knew. I could feel her emotions inside my belly and I learnt to know her in her silence. It still happens that we communicate only with one look or one touch. This is insane and amazing! Every time I am astonished! We had to do something drastic because milk still did not arrive because of the fatigue accumulated during the months and psychological stress in thinking about all the things they tell you to do when your son suffers from Down’s syndrome.

We tried to delay as much as possible all examinations and blood test to avoid any Nicole’s trauma and because she was healthy! One night I turned to my partner: “Diego, can you help me? Can you try to suck?” It sounded as a joke, but we looked into each other’s faces and we understood it would worked. The midwife proposed it as a natural thing to do and very exciting for the couple. I still laugh when I think about it because when Diego latched on my breast, a lot of milk came out. I had the milk, it was in my breast, lots of milk! It was a rebirth for me! Now when mothers ask any advice or help, I will suggest them to make their partners suck milk. For many it is still a taboo, but I would scream to the entire world to do this immersive, deep and intimate experience, which creates a unique bond of love and confidence.

Nicole had 5/6 months when I finally began to breastfed her seriously. I still remember when I said goodbye to the DAS: it was like taking a boulder on my shoulders. It was our climbing backpack. I breastfed anywhere, just as she asked me, and I felt the most beautiful mother of the whole universe. The day in which my breasts were free of cannula, tape and breast-pump and there was only the little mouth of my daughter was the day I touched the sky. It was my peak. I was hers, all hers. I was and I am of Nicole.

Finally, we could look in each other’s eyes and it was like breastfeeding through those. So much love flowed through my breasts and my eyes until she was two, until she decided to stop in a natural way. We were ready to say goodbye to the breastfeeding and continue our way, hand in hand, to tackle other climbs, always together. – Sara.

Model Natalie Pack’s Fomo-Inducing Instagram Feed Has It All

Whether she's hiking the hills of her native California, swimming with sharks, jet-skiing around the Bahamas, or hot-rodding through a desert, six-foot-one swimsuit model Natalie Pack is not a fan of lazy days. Ditto for her modeling career and the jobs that keep her jetting from one remote island to the next in service of bikini sales everywhere and fronting sexy-as-hell campaigns for the likes of Guess. And Pack's résumé is as all-encompassing as her Indiana Jones–level tastes for adventure. She's been on America's Next Top Model and been crowned Miss California, all between her studies at the University of California at Irvine. Impressive, no? Get to know the ultimate California girl (judges say so!) and, of course, give her a follow.

Where are you right now?
At the Santa Monica dog park watching my dog Fig wrestle with the sweetest gray French bulldog puppy.

Where did you grow up?
In the small, surfing-obsessed town of Palos Verdes, California.

If you weren't a model, what career would you pursue? I always dream about opening up an all-paleo café where I can serve my famous lemon poppyseed grain-free waffles.

What makes you feel sexy?
Tan lines.

Where have you never been but want to go?
I would LOVE to go to Bali. I've heard the people are nice, the beaches are gorgeous, and it doesn't cost much to have a good time.

Do you read the comments?

Yes. I try to respond to people who say nice things. I also look out to delete rude comments, because I don't want to associate with that negativity.

What is the craziest thing you've done on a shoot?

I learned to drift a Dodge Viper in the middle of the Mojave Desert, and had the best. time. ever.

How do you spend your time off?
On outdoors adventures with Fig. Our favorite place to go is the Huntington Dog Beach.

What is your most prized possession?
My father gave me a first edition of my favorite childhood book, Black Beauty, from 1877, and I'll never let it go!

Take a Break With Model Nicole Harrison ( INTERVIEW )

Where did you grow up?Perth, Western Australia

If you weren’t a model, what career would you pursue?I have always had a passion for psychology, I find how the mind works and what drives our subconscious so fascinating. So I would love to be doing something in that.

What is your mantra? (If you don't have one, make one up. We'll wait.)This too shall pass.

What makes you feel sexy?When I have a tan (I didn't realize how pale I could be until I spent a winter in New York).

Where have you never been but want to go?I have always wanted to explore Hawaii.

Do you read the comments?

Yes, sometimes. You can't help but have a little scroll.

What is the craziest thing you’ve done on a shoot?I was on a lingerie shoot in Chile and while we were shooting in the middle of the Atacama desert some llamas were passing by us, so naturally the photographer decided to try and get them in shot! It was quite entertaining.

How do you spend your time off?So many different things! Number one is relaxing, I usually do this by reading/listening to music or taking a bath. Number two is working out. I love staying active so anything from spin, to boot camps to pilates. Last, but certainly not least, I love cooking,eating, and drinking wine. So if there are any new restaurants, I love trying them (especially burgers or Japanese.) My other favorite thing to do is cook up a nice big meal anything from steaks with slow roasted veg, or pulled brisket with a huge salad and then enjoy this with a nice glass (or two) of red. Preferably Malbec!

What is your most prized possession?A ring I have from my mother. My sisters and I gave my mum a lot of jewelry for gifts growing up, unfortunately now her arthritis gets so bad she can't wear a lot of them. So while I was home over Christmas she gave me one, I like to wear it and think of her.

Why HE Is Spending 24 Hours in an Elevator in England?

Right now, Shia LaBeouf is standing in an elevator, talking to strangers. For art.

The 24-hour project is called #ELEVATE, and is currently taking place at Oxford University. #ELEVATE stems from an invitation to speak at Oxford Union, which LaBeouf and his collective LaBeouf, Rönkkö & Turner (comprising the actor and his frequent collaborators, Nastja Säde Rönkkö and Luke Turner) decided to turn into an open 24-hour forum for the general public to walk into and talk about anything, as a form of extended address to the Union.

The presence of LaBeouf's voice is what distinguishes #ELEVATE from LaBeouf's previous projects. In the past, the actor-turned-performance artist has presented himself as a blank slate, letting the choices of the people around him contextualize his presence. With #ELEVATE (as well as his previous project, #TOUCHMYSOUL) LaBeouf is actively talking to people, as himself. He's honestly answering questions, being friendly and cordial and actively engaging guests, talking to them about whatever they like. This is by design, as the description for the project lays out the terms:

"Visitors will be able to join LaBeouf, Rönkkö & Turner inside the elevator during this time, and are invited to address the artists, the debating chamber, and the Internet, so that their collective voices may form an extended, expansive, and egalitarian Oxford Union address."

Over a ten-minute span, LaBeouf has managed to talk about all manner of topics with the people who have joined him, from the cultural and economic state of affairs in South Dakota ("super fucked") to eating ass and Kanye. ("I can't help but like the guy ... He moves the culture. He's also a misogynist; I've got friends that don't like me liking him.")

There's a slight layer of remove to the stream; the camera is focused on the elevator doors, so you only see its occupants when it opens up to reveal mirrors on the other side. But it's still fascinating to listen to. You can stream #ELEVATE live below for the duration of its run, which will conclude 9 A.M. Saturday, Oxford time.