Google Glass just found its first mood-killer app. Dubbed subtly "Sex With Glass" the idea is both you and your partner both wear a pair of £1,000 Google Glass specs during sex, download the app, and then you can stream "what your lover sees from any angle" mid-coital bliss. Welcome to the very cutting edge of dweeb fornication technology.
Created during London's Wearable Tech Hackathon in December, the design team talk proudly (read: suspiciously) of how much "better" it is than Skype sex. They also seem peculiarly pleased with the fact you can summon a Marvin Gaye track to soundtrack your lovemaking (note: Gaye's bitter divorce LP Here, My Dear may be more appropriate than you realise).
Needless to say, if either you or your partner are remotely uncomfortable on camera then this has the potential for disaster. Imagine Friends' Ross and Rachel at the end of The One With the Videotape being given an unparalleled 640 x 360 display view of the Geller scrotum in all its dangly glory. The truth is that, as with all homemade pornography, there is the issue of "the willing suspension of disbelief": Sex With Glass will most often do nothing more than confirm that you are not quite as good in bed as you think you are. If your technique is more Torvill and Dean than James Deen there is simply nowhere to hide. Similarly once your partner realises her expression in "the moment" is reminiscent of Este Haim's "Bassface" and you catch yourself channeling Jamie Bell's Nymphomaniac poster it may be quite hard to convince either of you to ever have sex again.
There are other issues. In much the same way that it is rarely advisable to Google an obscure sexual practice during foreplay, the idea of asking Glass for some tips on positions mid-congress may not do wonders for your intimacy issues.
As with all sex-related technology, security is a priority (as Snapchat found out when users discovered their sexts were merely hidden, rather than deleted). According to Sex With Glass you'll be able to watch your videos for five hours after the act before they are deleted forever. "That's for all the ladies out there," they add helpfully, overlooking the fact that some men would also rather not have their sweaty Kardashian-career-starter on the cloud for anyone to access.
As you have probably realised by now, Sex With Glass is in no way endorsed by or associated with Google - it's also unlikely to make it into any of the campaign ads later this year when the devices finally goes on sale. But for the non-shy technophile, is seems only a matter of time before Google Glass enters the bedroom with gusto; after all, if you think "wearable technology" is new, you've obviously not been inside Ann Summers lately.
The final masterstroke? The fact that if you suddenly get cold feet beneath the duvet you can shout out "OK Glass, pull out" which - no, we're not joking - ceases filming immediately. While we're disappointed that there isn't a Sex With Glass "safe word" as such, it does at least give you the option to come to your senses before you attempt a bedroom live broadcast.
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