How to Deal With People Who Always Complain

Change the subject. It can be draining to listen to complaints. It can also make the conversation socially awkward. The next time a friend starts complaining, shift the focus.

• Maybe your aunt complains about your uncle's busy work schedule. Try saying, "I understand you've been busy, too. Tell me all about your new book club!"
• When you redirect the conversation, you are demonstrating that you would like to talk about something else. Just make sure to change the subject to something more neutral.
• Avoid potentially negative topics. For example, if you have a friend who constantly complains about work, don't bring up the subject. Instead, talk about a book you both recently finished.

Set boundaries. Maybe your friends constantly use you as a sounding board. If people regularly complain to you, that means they see you as someone who can be trusted. But it can also be emotionally exhausting for you.

• Let your friends know that you need to set some boundaries. Try saying, "Sara, I'm always here for you. But sometimes I'd like to talk about my own life when I'm with you."
• Maybe your friend has problems that make you uncomfortable. Don't be afraid to make that clear.
• For example, maybe your friend regularly complains about her disappointing sex life. Try saying, "Sheryl, would you mind if we change the subject? That kind of personal detail makes me uncomfortable."

Promote "I" statements. It is important to explain to your friends and family that it hurts you when they complain all of the time. You can use "I" statements to express your feelings and you can also ask the person who is complaining to rephrase his or her feelings using "I" statements.

• An "I" statement focuses on the feelings or ideas of the person talking, rather than the person who it listening. Promoting "I" statements in your interactions with others may help you to feel less stressed by the complaints that you hear.
• When you live with someone who is constantly complaining, it can make you feel like he or she is blaming you for everything that is wrong in the house. Instead of stating, "I'm sick of hearing you complaining," state, "It feels like I'm getting blamed for everything that is wrong in the house."
• You might also consider saying something like, "Always listening to the negative is very frustrating for me" instead of "You are such an awful complainer!"
• You can also ask others to rephrase their complaints using "I" statements. For example, ask your sister to say, "I feel like our holiday gatherings are very stressful" instead of saying, "Christmas at your house is horrible!"
• Try to use "I" statements yourself whenever you are communicating with someone who often complains. This will help you to demonstrate how useful "I" statements can be

Deal with an elderly person who complains often. Elderly people can offer up a lot of complaints. Your family gatherings might suffer if you count an aging family member who complains to your relatives. There are ways that you can learn to deal with this specific situation.

• Take a minute to listen. Elderly people are often lonely and just want someone to talk to. Change the topic to something cheerful and enjoy a chat.
• Offer to help. Many elderly people find themselves unable to cope with life's daily challenges.
• If your grandmother complains about traffic, offer a solution. Tell her you'll be happy to pick up some groceries for her so that she has to spend less time in the car.

Cope with a complaining child. If you have kids, you've probably heard more complaints than you ever imagined. Pre-teens and teens in particular often complain a lot. You can choose how to respond to complaints made by a child.

• Try brainstorming. If your teen complains of boredom, ask him to list some things he would like to do. This will help him learn to find his own solutions.
• Be patient. Remember that kids are going through a lot of changes.
• Many times, the complaints of a child are based on anxiety, or even tiredness. Take care to locate the root of the problem.
• Be non-judgmental. Try not to criticize your child for complaining. For example, if your child complains that dinner is "gross", try saying, "It's unfortunate that you feel that way." If complaining does not earn your child a lot of attention, then he or she will be more likely to find positive things to say.

Spend time in groups. When you are in a social situation, it can be awkward to listen to someone who constantly complains. If you have friends or family members who seem to enjoy whining, it can take the fun out of many situations. Try to avoid spending alone time with someone who complains a lot if it bothers you.

• People are less likely to complain if there are several people around. You don't have to avoid having a coffee date with your complaining cousin. Just ask others to join you.
• The next time your cousin asks you for coffee, just say, "That sounds great, but I already have plans with a couple of friends. You don't mind if they join us, do you?"
• You will feel less pressure to respond to the complaints if you are in a group. If your friend complains that she hates the pizza that's being served, you don't even have to respond if there are others sitting close by. Just allow other group members to carry on the conversation